BGsays

If you read my post and saw the two videos that followed a bit earlier, you probably gathered that I was feeling rather melancholy. I listened to some Jason Mraz, some John Mayer, dabbled in a little Damien Rice and finally decided I’d make the switch over to Beyonce. Due to my mood, I started with some of her heavier tunes like, “Resentment” and “If I Were A Boy,” however, as so often happens when listening to Beyonce, it wasn’t long until my inner diva burst through and I had my own party while listening to “Party” and the rest of 4. The change happened instantly, it only took one song to save me from my pity party and make me feel like the baddest bish on the planet.  I’ll admit, this was one of Bey’s songs that, like a good many, irritated me to no end at first but, as always, it grew on me. “Schoolin’ Life” has now become my mantra. 

A snippet of the lyrics below: 

This is for them pretty somethings
Living in the fast lane, see you when you crash babe
This is for them sexy somethings
That body ain’t gon’ always get ya out of everything
This is for them bitter somethings
Stop living in regret, baby, it’s not over yet
And this is for them chipper somethings
That’s high on life, baby, put me on your flight

I’m not a teacher, babe
But I can teach you something
Not a preacher
But we can pray if you wanna
Ain’t a doctor
But I can make you feel better
But I’m great at writing physical love letters
I’m a freak, all day, all night
Hot, top, flight
Boy out of sight
And I’m crazy, all day, all night
Who needs a degree when you’re schoolin’ life?

These, my friends, are truly words to live by. 

Okay, so I know it wasn’t the best show (…or even that good) on television; still, Desperate Housewives often provided lessons that I found relevant to my own life… and that’s what made it successful tv, right? It’s ability to have it’s audience relate to the experiences of the characters regardless of how ridiculous and unfathomable the plot became. Each week Mary Alice laid. it. down. Her voice-overs not only reflected on the stories each character was wound up in, they also told a kind of truth about the way people relate to one another. Perhaps I will create another post on my top ten Mary Alice moments, but I digress. I mention DH because of the final episode. In it Lynette, my favorite of the women of Wisteria Lane, is confronted by her husband Tom because she is always searching for the next thing that will complete her rather than appreciating what she already has. Lynette has always been hungry and though she became a stay-at-home mom to her five children, she was always eager to get back to what she did best… work. So by the end of the series, she reaches this point where Tom has almost left her and she finally realizes she’s always had everything she’s ever wanted. She thinks she needs more to be truly happy but all she has to really do is stop and take it in.

So, if you’re still reading, this is the part where, as an active viewer, I relate Lynette’s story to my own. I want so many things. I feel like I need these things in order to become the person I see in my future. Most of these things I need are material - money, new wardrobe, new apartment, new boy, etc. I feel so stressed from my real-person job search these past few weeks that I’ve barely stopped to enjoy the fact that I graduated from an amazing school where I met amazing people that changed my life, that changed me. Everyday, I fail to appreciate the people I currently have in my life. My best friends, who I can still call best friends, from high school still want to share their lives with me. My mother is constantly supportive and loving, giving me what I know she doesn’t have just to see me smile. As much as my sisters drive me insane, I’d be lying if I said one of my favorite things wasn’t to hop into Steph’s queen-size with her in the summertime because my room is too hot or to bug Haydee incessantly. I have a roof over my head, food, people who gladly let me mooch off of them and, in all honesty, I could be poor the rest of my life and I am confident that my friends and family would not let me go hungry or homeless. That’s pretty fucking fantastic. So why isn’t it enough?

At the great risk of sounding ungrateful, I’m trying to let it be enough. I’m trying to not let anyone define what my success should look like. I’m trying not to believe that there is a set path to a happy adult life. I’m trying to forge my own way. It is hard. 

Mary Alice once said, “when we see an opportunity in life, we have to take it. Whether it’s the hope of winning back the love of our life, a shot at proving our worth, or the chance to show a child the right path, but sometimes when we answer the call, we have no idea what opportunity awaits us.” In an effort to make my own way, I’m going to answer whatever calls to me and be glad that I have a great safety net of loved ones to fall back on. I guess I’ll be alright.

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